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A Piratical Interlude

May 8, 2010

I’ve been threatening to do a post about piracy for a while now, so here it is.  I’ve compiled a list of all the misinformed, fallacious, or just plain stupid things people love to say about piracy, and I’ll spend the next 2,000 words explaining why they’re all wrong.  Or fallacious.  Or just plain stupid.

Starting with…

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Saints Row 2 Diary

April 29, 2010

Ever since 2001, Grand Theft Auto has been enabling spoiled white teenagers to pretend they’re ghetto badasses.  Apparently, there’s a lot of money in that, which is why everybody keeps trying to copy the GTA formula. Enter Saints Row.  Much as it tries to be original, this series is always being described as “like Grand Theft Auto, but…”  This is entirely Volition’s own fault; good or not, the original Saints Row game was a pretty shameless knockoff.

Then they released a sequel.  And man, did they get it right.  This one is “like Grand Theft Auto, but good.”  And in the interest of sharing the wealth, I’m going to be writing a travelogue of my experiences with the game.  It’ll be broken up into several parts, and they will be updated When I Feel Like It.

Hit the jump for Part One and observe as I, a middle-class white kid from the bowels of suburbia, embark upon a quest to become the most notorious gangster in Stillwater.

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A Poetical Interlude

April 19, 2010

Higgledy piggledy” poetic form is
offensive to artistic Powers that Be.
Nevertheless it’s a popular format for
poets who don’t have much skill (such as me).

Higgledy piggledy this is an effort
to get out a post that’s not horribly late.
I’m also required to write about gaming
so here are a couple of things that I hate:

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Don’t Look Down: Legs in FPS Games

April 9, 2010

You know what’s weird about Gordon Freeman?  You know, aside from the fact that he never speaks, soaks up bullets like they’re BB pellets, and apparently received advanced firearms training from the MIT theoretical physics department?

He has no legs.

This would make a little more sense if he were the main character in When Amputees Attack or Rolling Thunder: The Wheelchair Avenger (dear Valve: Please make this game).  But no, he’s a perfectly ambulatory action hero, walking pretty much the entire length of Black Mesa and City 17 under his own power.  You can even hear the click-click of his invisible feet on a concrete floor, like Jasper the Unfriendly Ghost stalking his next victim.  So if this is all so surreal, why on Earth did Valve decide to make him this way?

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Let There Be Content

April 4, 2010

Hello, and welcome to the birth of Intelligent Design!  This is largely a videogames blog, hence the tagline of “Intelligent Design: Not What it Sounds Like ©.”  The idea for this blog came to me not long ago, upon hearing the desperate cries of the needy:  “Woe is us,” they wailed, “for we are stranded in a cultural wasteland, utterly devoid of intelligent discourse and entertainment!  If only there were someplace on the internet wherein we could witness a disaffected twenty-something talk about videogames!  O, despair!”  There was also a fair amount of teeth-gnashing involved.  Frankly, it got annoying, so I decided to remedy the problem as quickly as possible.

Anyway.  Stick around, and I’m sure you will find something to fill that empty void in your soul.  Here are some of the things you might see appearing on this blog in the days to come:

  • Posts about games–This being a blog about videogames, it seems appropriate to mention them once in a while.  But since there are already millions of people on the internet talking about games as well, I strive to be fairly original.  Expect to see unique analysis, usually from a game design perspective.  This is where the “Intelligent Design” title comes in, in case you were wondering.
  • Posts about piracy–This is a bit of a thing with me.  In fact, it’s an important enough issue that you should really care about it too.  You’ll notice I didn’t say whether I was for or against piracy; that’s because 1) my position is too complicated to describe in this space, and 2) an aura of mystery attracts women like nobody’s business. At any rate, you’ll find out where I stand if you stick around.
  • Screenshots–And lots of ’em.  If you are still on a 56k internet connection, please go away.
  • Sarcasm–As you may have already noticed.
  • Profanity–Nothing too serious, or too frequent.  But you have been warned.
  • Anything else I deem appropriate–Inspiration tends to strike me irregularly, and with extremely poor aim.  One benefit of being an unpaid writer is that you have nothing to lose, so there’s not much to stop me from writing about, say, dirigible racing.  Oh, and I use the term “appropriate” very loosely.

That’s about it!  Please feel free to register and start posting comments, so long as they aren’t about your magical Canadian prescription penis-enlarging mortgage services.