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No, I Don’t Have a Twitter Account

July 21, 2010

Certain people—you know who you are—have been asking me whether I have a Twitter account.  And then asking me why I don’t have a Twitter account, before transitioning smoothly into demanding that I get a Twitter account.  People, this is annoying.  Twitter is annoying.  I am annoyed.

Would it help if I explained my position on this?  Here it is: I don’t do brevity.  It generally takes me at least twelve hundred words and half a dozen screenshots to properly articulate myself, so I refuse to even consider doing it in 140 characters.  For God’s sake, the internet isn’t even supposed to have space restrictions; that’s half the reason I’m here!  But, if you absolutely insist, here is your daily dose of stupid: My blog, as it would appear on Twitter.

May God have mercy on your souls.

July 2, 2010:
Hey, lookit me!  I’m famous!  Also, DEATH SPORK.

June 20, 2010:
@Kentsutherland: Good sir, I do declare that fishbowl helmet makes you look like an enormous tool.

June 10, 2010:
I AM OVER-ENCUMBERED.  THIS SUCKS.

May 29, 2010:
You know what I think?  I think Bill Nye should make RPGs.  That is what I think.

May 19, 2010:
Hey Bethesda, this place blows.  Why can’t we ever go somewhere fun?

May 13, 2010:
I think Valve just ate the entire gaming industry.  But I’m cool with that.

May 12, 2010:
Did you hear?  Portal is free.  Did you hear?  Portal is Free!  DidyouhearPortalisfreedidyouhearportalisfreedidyouhear—

May 8, 2010:
Everyone who has ever voiced an opinion on piracy is wrong.  WRONG, I SAY!

April 29, 2010:
Damn, it feels good to be a gangster post-op transvestite sociopathic incarcerated former coma victim.

April 19, 2010:
Higgledy piggledy poetry’s fun but
I think that I’m posting this in the wrong place.
It could be fun if I rhymed about games
but I’m sorry to say that I don’t have the sp—

April 9, 2010:
Ever notice how Gordon Freeman doesn’t have any legs?  Someone should look into that.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 22, 2010 2:11 pm

    See by not being on Twitter you didn’t see the cool message I just sent out:

    “NOOOOO! Sites hacked again! But this time I will exorcise the FTP demons. I will purge the sickness from these magnetic disks.”

    That’s right. My sites are down and I needed to share the pain – immediately. That’s what Twitter is. A cathartic release. It allows me to inject my personal pain into the world. It also teaches me how best to deliver that negative payload optimally. I become stronger at killing the world, one internet bullet at a time.

    • July 23, 2010 9:00 am

      Anyway, certain people without Twitter accounts don’t even reply to my goddamn e-mail. You know who you are.

    • July 23, 2010 9:50 am

      Wait, what? Me? Uhh…hang on.

      Okay, you seem to have ended up in my spam folder. Which makes this officially Not My Fault, but sorry anyway. At least you had Twitter for that cathartic release, right?

      • July 23, 2010 10:01 am

        It is somewhat entertaining that The Aspiration was able to communicate without a hiccup, but somehow using my Real Name (TM) officially blew up your spam filters.

        Modern technology is gorgeous.

  2. July 23, 2010 8:09 am

    Bravo Veret, it’s good to know there are still people out there who have not given in to twitter peer pressure. I was forced to create facebook and twitter accounts merely to cease the nagging from friends. Now that I’m connected both accounts mostly sit there collecting dust unless I’m compelled to post to prevent ‘mire’ whining. Ever consider that social sites like twitter only became popular because of people trying to “fit” in today’s digital age? Like smoking for geeks.

    • July 23, 2010 10:24 am

      “Like smoking for geeks” needs to be the tagline for something. And then we could start a S.N.A.R.E. (Social Networking Abuse Resistance Education) public health campaign urging people to Resist Twitter and Facebook, which would probably fail just as badly as the original D.A.R.E. campaign did for drugs, so never mind.

    • searingscarlet permalink
      July 23, 2010 12:01 pm

      For some of us it’s too late now. Too late I say! I said no to smack and facebook yet…How am I going to explain my shame in just 140 chara

  3. July 23, 2010 5:22 pm

    kentsutherland tweets 1 hour ago:
    Friend Veret writes about warthogs and suckitude: http://goo.gl/Znec

    ElectronDance tweets 1 min ago:
    Veret will be so pissed that someone is tweeting on his behalf.

    • July 23, 2010 5:55 pm

      You…you tweeted in reply to a tweet about me to tweet about a post in which I tweeted wrote about how my posts have no place on twitter. Someone is utterly missing the point here, but I’m not entirely sure it isn’t all three of us.

      Oh, that reminds me: I should repost that CrispyGamer piece on warthogs and suckitude here, now that it’s finally up. Expect to see that this evening if I don’t forget.

  4. Sunshine permalink
    January 9, 2013 4:13 am

    Good job

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