No, I Don’t Have a Twitter Account
Certain people—you know who you are—have been asking me whether I have a Twitter account. And then asking me why I don’t have a Twitter account, before transitioning smoothly into demanding that I get a Twitter account. People, this is annoying. Twitter is annoying. I am annoyed.
Would it help if I explained my position on this? Here it is: I don’t do brevity. It generally takes me at least twelve hundred words and half a dozen screenshots to properly articulate myself, so I refuse to even consider doing it in 140 characters. For God’s sake, the internet isn’t even supposed to have space restrictions; that’s half the reason I’m here! But, if you absolutely insist, here is your daily dose of stupid: My blog, as it would appear on Twitter.
May God have mercy on your souls.
July 2, 2010:
Hey, lookit me! I’m famous! Also, DEATH SPORK.
June 20, 2010:
@Kentsutherland: Good sir, I do declare that fishbowl helmet makes you look like an enormous tool.
June 10, 2010:
I AM OVER-ENCUMBERED. THIS SUCKS.
May 29, 2010:
You know what I think? I think Bill Nye should make RPGs. That is what I think.
May 19, 2010:
Hey Bethesda, this place blows. Why can’t we ever go somewhere fun?
May 13, 2010:
I think Valve just ate the entire gaming industry. But I’m cool with that.
May 12, 2010:
Did you hear? Portal is free. Did you hear? Portal is Free! DidyouhearPortalisfreedidyouhearportalisfreedidyouhear—
May 8, 2010:
Everyone who has ever voiced an opinion on piracy is wrong. WRONG, I SAY!
April 29, 2010:
Damn, it feels good to be a gangster post-op transvestite sociopathic incarcerated former coma victim.
April 19, 2010:
Higgledy piggledy poetry’s fun but
I think that I’m posting this in the wrong place.
It could be fun if I rhymed about games
but I’m sorry to say that I don’t have the sp—
April 9, 2010:
Ever notice how Gordon Freeman doesn’t have any legs? Someone should look into that.